Loving Harry
by eyesasgreenasafreshpickledtoad
Summary: Why doesn't he realize that every time I see him with Ginny, my heart breaks? Why doesn't he realize he belongs with me? One shot. HHr


**Hello everyone! This is my first fanfiction. Please leave reviews and let me know what I did well and how I can improve! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. No matter how much I wish I did. **

I love him.

Why doesn't he realize how absolutely amazing he is? He may not be the smartest, most observant bloke, but he's just…wonderful. He's the most courageous, caring human being to ever walk this earth. He cares for people he's never even met, people and creatures he isn't supposed to think are equal to him. He looks after all creatures, no matter if they are seen as worthwhile and intelligent or not. If anything, he realizes that they are more intelligent than any witch or wizard. He always puts other people before himself. I really don't think he ever thinks of himself first. He doesn't see people for their stereotype, he judges them based on what kind of person they are. He never saw the lure of hanging out with the "popular" crowd, and becoming friends with Malfoy, even when we were just gauche eleven year olds trying to make friends with the first person who would talk to us. I truly don't understand why he constantly puts himself down. He's just…perfect.

Why doesn't he realize that every time I see him with Ginny, my heart breaks? Why doesn't he realize he belongs with me? I know I'm not the most attractive girl, but can I really be that bad? I try to be the person he deserves. I strive to be the best person I can be, because that is what he deserves.

I don't remember not loving him. Even when we first met, I was entranced by his piercing green eyes, and jet black hair. I know I'm only ever going to be his bushy haired, bookworm best friend that he can always count on. Why cant he just see that I've always loved him, and I always will?

I can't even count all the daydreams that I have had of me and him together. Ginny doesn't exist of course. I don't stand a chance against her. And if she's who makes him happy, then maybe I should let them be. Maybe she's what's best for him. But I don't think I can just let him go. I know I can make him happy. He deserves all the happiness in the world. He was bereft of everything good before his 11th birthday. To think such a wonderful person had no one, not even one friend until he was 11, is baffling to me. How did no one see what an extraordinary boy he was?

I really can't do this anymore.

If he can't see how much I love him and appreciate him, then maybe I should just move on. She makes him happy, I guess. Everyone else sees how in love I am. Why can't he? Even my mother, as oblivious as she is, realizes something's wrong with me. During the summer holiday, all she had to say was, "He's not worth it." The problem is, he is worth it. He's worth everything and more. I wish I were what he wanted. Maybe then I could save myself from all this heartache.

Why cant he just notice me? I swear. This boy is as dense as anything. He doesn't even notice that I've been here all along. And he thought I was in love with Ron? Ron is my brother. It's as plain and simple as that. I've shared more with Harry than with anyone else, and he has done the same with me. I've seen Harry Potter break down and scream and cry, and he's seen me done the same. Not that Ron hasn't seen all this, but its been different with Harry. We've shared moments that I can't even dream of explaining. I can tell him anything, and I know that he won't hate me for it, no matter what I say. I never have to tip toe with him. I know how to comfort him in his moments of need, and he always knows how to make me smile even when I'm having the darkest of days. He is the light that makes my darkness disappear.

Why does it have to be like this?

Why do I have to pretend that it doesn't eat me up inside? That I'm not miserable when I'm in the same room as Ginny? What does she have that I don't? Sure, her hair is beautiful, and she always looks polished and gorgeous, but she doesn't have to be the bookish one in the group. Without me, Ron and Harry would be lost. She has all the time she wants for snogging and just hanging out without having the stress of the world. If she had as much to worry about as me, I'm sure she wouldn't look as perfect as she does. In fact, I'm positive.

It really isn't her fault. It's impossible for me to really hate her. She's like my sister. She's warm, and caring, and really is a true Gryffindor. In a way, she's just what he needs. But I know I can be there for him, and be everything he needs, too.

I can feel the tears starting to come.

It's possible that he loves Ginny. It really is. She's an escape from a stress he never wanted. With her, he doesn't have to worry about what Voldemort's next move is. With me, we are always planning our next step and trying to decide what to do next. There is rarely a fun, relaxed moment in our friendship anymore, where we can just hang out and talk mindlessly.

The tears are freely flowing now.

Logically, I know he will never think of me like that. Why should he, when he has Ginny? The beautiful, intelligent girl that half of Gryffindor chases. And then there's me. Hermione. The girl that he can always count on to be there if he needs to vent or needs help with homework. I'm not gorgeous by any definition. Ron didn't even think it was possible for me to have a date back in fourth year! What does that say about me? That I'm ugly, unwanted?

As I reach for the tissue box, I know what I need to do. I need to forget that I ever loved him. I need to wipe away the pain that I feel when I see them together, holding hands or stealing kisses. It's for his own good. He deserves to be happy without some bushy haired, awkward witch lusting after him.

But as I make the vow never to be bothered by his relationship again, I know it was never like that. I was never just lusting after him.

I loved him.

I will always love him.


End file.
